Gratitude 490

Forgiveness ~

My husband and i demonstrated forgiveness in our family literally.  As BIG, adult people when we wronged anyone in our home we humbled ourselves by getting down on our knees and asking for forgiveness.  Our children learned early on that mommy and daddy were fallible.  They saw our sadness and humility as we faced them, eye-to-eye and said, "sorry, babe - we messed up" to them and asked them to forgive us.  And, in turn, they have learned to ask for forgiveness when they wrong another.  It's so beautiful.  And, the forgiveness flowed easily.  How could it not?  As husband and wife, we rarely argue, but when we do we do so in front of our kiddos!  We never felt that our children should feel that fighting was bad or taboo.  Fight fair, stay above the belt, solve your problem, then ask for forgiveness. 

Yet, for me forgiveness is still the thorn in my side that i can't remove.  What is it that compels me to have someone who's wronged me say "sorry?"  i blame Kindergarten training. Am i waiting for that missed step?  1. 2. __. 4.  

Jesus says to forgive 7x70.  That's 490 times!  Really?  i passed 491 back in 2010 and i still feel angry.  So, now what?

i have to wonder if it has to do with gratitude.

In keeping with humility, there is a teaspoon of gratitude when asking for forgiveness.  That feeling of ... 'I'm SO glad you love me; I'm so glad you're here for me in this time of weakness and fear."  i think if this thorn is ever going to begin to loosen i'm going to have to find some reason to be grateful it's here in the first place.  Even, if only for a moment...

To demonstrate gratitude in the face of anguish, in the face of fear, in the face of unimaginable hurt and then to forgive, well, then i suspect we're practicing forgiveness - real forgiveness - 7x70.